Addiction

I hate smoking. I refuse to go to the store just for cigarettes. Have been all morning. When the other half is here I tell myself it is for him to, so it is O.K. And I know that is B.S. I had two C-Sections, in the hospital for three days each time, and when I got out I wasn't going to smoke. But I just had one... I don't like being addicted. Never really been addicted to anything else. Well, fast cars and loud music, but I kinda grew out of that. Well to be honest, not the fast cars and I just turn the music down. It sucks that the music I grew up listening to is now classic rock. Depressing, like Mick Jagger in tight pants. Anyway, back on track. I am addicted to coffee, but I can live with that. Never had a problem with drugs, even when they gave me the good ones after surgery. But I can walk to the top af a mountain and stand there, gasping for air, feeling what these things do to my body, and I still want one. We tried to quit together once. We decided we might quit, but we wouldn't be together. Couldn't stand each other. I thought when I went to New York for a week it would be a good time to try. Made it three days again. I didn't even smoke five a day, and felt guilty when I did. When I was working I took maybe one quick break a day. I worked there for close to a year before my boss even knew I smoked. But when I know I can smoke, I want to. But I am not going to go to the store right now. Even though I want to.